Chill out man...

Well, maybe I'm being a bit too serious these days... Really miss the old me, who just chills out, relax and enjoy all life's perfect secrets :)

...I should start living again :D

I'll be seeing you - Billie Holiday

I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day through.

In that small cafe;
The park across the way;
The children's carousel;
The chestnut trees;
The wishin' well.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find youa
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day;
In every thing that's light and gay.
I'll always think of you that way.

I'll find you
In the morning sun
And when the night is new.
I'll be looking at the moon,
But I'll be seeing you.

What has become of me...?

What has become of me...?
I've felt the change, I've felt that cold hand laid across my heart.

When I sat out side under the winter night sky tonight; feeling the harsh burn of the smoke and taking in all the smooth beats of Billie Holiday's 'I'll be seeing you'. I felt the change, I felt this sudden chill, then it stayed. It's like my heart just froze and I did not know how to react to it. Has my body gone into defense mode? It's almost cruel, but the part where it felt more pleasant was the most frightening. Could I ever love again? I don't even tear anymore. What has become of me...?

Listening to Billie's voice, truly the voice of an angel, as I wondered around aimlessly in the middle of the night. I asked God how exactly do you play this game you've set up for us, that we call 'life'? Is there rules to this magic we so call 'love'? How could we be punished by it when we don't even know the rules?

Silence...

What has become of me...?

We live in a world like this....

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."

that special someone...

TYPE: It takes a minute to find a special someone, an hour to appreciate them. A day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them... x

TUE. 3 AUG 10.

Once again... I failed. I fall in silent that felt like forever, as the the thorns of hell awaits me and the bottom.

Amor screams. Diosa tugs on her gown, begging for forgiveness. She kicks her grip away with such force that nearly broke her arm. She screeches even louder from her touch, she claws n Diosa's direction, scratches her left leg and got hold of her gown. Diosa panics and tries to escape her harsh grip, but torn her gown in the process.


I want to scream to him that I am so sorry that I'm not good enough, I can't ever please you or satisfy your needs. Does she really love you more than I do? Are you truly happier with her? What is wrong with me!? Why can't two people love each other and be happy perfectly together forever? I want the whole world to understand my pain, I would yell, scream my lungs out and cry until my tears dry if I can... it's not fare.

Sometimes I wish I've never loved, what's the point anyway? I keep trying and always just end up being crushed and crumble away by this supposedly magical force that kept this world running 'til now.
I close my eyes, I stop breathing, I become unaware of everything. I shut the whole world out. I pretend that he never existed, he never entered my life. I attempted to delete him out of my life but just couldn't do it, this feeling burned me too deep already.
The train I take every day and evening, from and to my classes goes right pass his house. It's like reality just kicks me in the face every time; he's not just my nightmare, he actually happened. I see his car sometimes there, sometimes not. I see the clothes on his liner change every now and then. I see the place where we used to sit and chat until the sun sets; we would drink tea and eat cookies, sometimes we would take turns on playing the guitar to each other.


My world turned black and white once again; no sun ever dares to shine, and I walk around like an empty shell. I feel as if I am a lost ghost, never really here or there, like I'm not really alive at all. I wish my Heavenly Father above could take me away from this lonely materialistic world. I wish he could make time go faster, make my pain go away, make me disappear...

What happens to a person when you stab them? They would bleed; lots of fresh blood oozing out of their wound, draining their heart empty. What happens after that? They feel the pain and the shock, they feel their skin burn like acid eating them away. They feel their weak heartbeat slow down. They feel the death's kiss, cold and terrifying. After that? They say their prayers and we shall farewell them.
I often wish that some tragic accident would happen to me. I don't really care anymore; I started living my life more dangerously, I no longer fear death, because I'm not actually alive at all. I would either survive the accident and go on a survival quest from God or I would simply die instantly.

No body nor ramins would be found, never shall you see my pain nor my scares that proves I walked this earth...

Sat. 31 July 10

Sitting here listening to her dreadful whining, slowly picking empty the insides of my skull... Feeling like my insides are going to collapse on me.
I could never understand why things turned out this way, but what can you do? The most precious thing on this planet is time. Many days I wish things could be different, how much I wish it is only a click of a finger to turn back time. Had God made our lives cross over for a reason? I see no sense in this. Is this truly for the greater and the better future that supposedly lay before us all? Where did my father above gone? Had He feel no love for me? Had I been an awful daughter? Please help me father...


I had to cover up Diosa's cage, she's driving me crazy. She might be upsetting Amor more than me, but I don't even know anymore. Diosa continues to whine, now even louder than before.
Amor had already shed her wings, she's lost hope. Every night her heart-wrenching cry wakes me up. I could no longer comfort her without waking Diosa, so I just stay still where I am; in that awful dream tat tortures all of us.

It would always begin with him and I sitting on the swings together, laughing, joking about, having the best of time. I could see our little cottage home in the distance with the warming glow of lights pouring out from the windows. The next second, we would be chasing each other around in our little front yard next to the lake, which we called the ice Queen. He would grab hold of my arm and spin me around, catching my fall in his strong arms. We would laugh even more and uncontrollably until we run out of breath. Then he would land a gentle and warming kiss on my cheek that felt like forever engraved into my melting heart.
Amor would have her beautiful wings back, she would once again; enchant us with her charming voice that would even warm someone like Hitler's heart up.


Near our house, there is a hill protecting us from all the evil things outside. The hill is covered with blooming orchids in the color of blue, purple, pink and white.
Then one day, a little bicycle would appear out of nowhere in our little from yard. So he and I decided to get our picnic gear and head up the hill for the best view. The day would seem endless, we would ride up and down the hill, spinning in circles round and round on the bike laughing. And finally when the sun sets at the end of the day, we would park our bike near by and start our picnic. We had wine, pasta and cheese cake. Under the candle light, we would enjoy the most stunning view; with the sun setting over the ice Queen, our little cottage home down the bottom with the swings staring up at us jealously. He would hold me in his arms and forever whisper in my ear those favorite words I love to hear 'I love you...' until I fall asleep.


Then I would wake up to the cold stare of Eddy. The girls are silent under his cold stare. My voice would be stuck in between my aching, dried up throat. I check the time, 5:45am exactly, the same time as every other morning. I would sigh and tell Eddy to piss off, roll over and hope to squeeze more sleep out of me.

My beautiful nightmare would continue to torture me night after night... In the background I could hear Diosa's horrible whining and Amor's heartbreaking cry...

...endless.

Thur.15th July .10 There's an elephant following me!

Woke up this morning feeling a bit crooked, not sure why, but maybe some of those sleepless nights and those constant nightmares are finally catching up to me.
The first thing I felt was emptiness; a very super, big, fat one staring right back at me. It's that stupid elephant, people would normally call it depression, but I call him Eddy.

Eddy would actually be a good friend if he doesn't always take up so much space and your time. Most of the time alone I spent with Eddy, he seems pretty nice at the start, but once your in his company for too long he gets irritating. He would follow you around like a big baby. When you go to the shops, people would stare but keep their distance. They generally look at Eddy's size and go wow, but afraid to get his attention, because if Eddy sees you like him, he would invite his friends around to follow you.

I feed Eddy heart aches and loneliness most of the time, silence would be our audience; they seem to like my muted show a lot. I would tell Eddy about my troubles and odd dreams that I had, the things you can't really just walk up to someone and start a conversation on. Eddy would listen, he hears it all with his big flapped ears, but he doesn't speak. I could tell by his expression that he understands me, he gives me the warmth back to feed my emotions and he comforts me. These days I begin to think that maybe I am the one feeding off poor Eddy, not the other way around. That thought scares him.

Eddy follows me around a lot lately, it is hard to lose him. I would run around the corner to hide or escape by listening to music when he irritates me, but he would always know what I'm doing or where I am...

Wed. 14th July .10

Last night I was really emotional about what happened between my love one and I, I couldn't keep him out of my mind. I tried to sleep it off but failed, I was out of ideas on how to keep it out and time was slowly creeping towards 2am. I prayed. I told the one above that he is the one throwing the dice for us all, and His heart is as cold as ice, but surely all this is going to work out the best for us all right? We ma not understand this whole thing right away, but soon when the time is right, He shall guide us.

I would like to just for one second of my life to know that I am in control; seems so hard to even try and make the smallest things go my way for a change. The chance never comes and my faith in believing is slowly dying.

I've decided that my brain and my heart have two different mind of their own, my body has no control :( So on the edge of becoming a nutter, I named my brain Diosa (meaning Goddess) and my heart Amor (meaning love). (Am I insane already? Does naming your own organs count?)

I set Diosa free out of her cage for the night, attempting to keep my lover out of my head. I let her roam free in the land of imagination and secrets. To help her dance for the wind and soul of my magical garden, I played Claude Debussy's 'Claire de lune'.
Diosa danced so beautifully in the notes of music; she painted and drifted towards Amor's cage, which I tightened the lock before hand. Diosa flashed the image of the troubled male, Amor sighed, shivered and shrank back in the dark.
I called for Diosa, but she does not hear; she kept close at Amor's cage. She twisted and twirled, she played a memory of mine to Amor. My love came in sight, he presented the viewer with violet blue orchids wrapped up with gold paper. He reaches out to touch Amor's soft and delicate cheeks. Amor smiled a weak smile that made her cheeks blush, she drifted towards the edge of the cage following his touch. Our gaze locked, his blue, crystal clear eyes agreed with mine... I bloomed.


Diosa slowly glide over next to Amor, she does not notice as she was weak under his gaze. Diosa moves closer, she mimics and whispered " I'm not... sure... we're just not... can't... together... well, goodbye." Those blue eyes suddenly turn bitter and hollow. he is fading away from me! A struck of panic fell across Amor's pretty little face, she lets out a shock scream as she leaps for his shadowing hand, but was restricted by the golden cage the burned her skin.
"No! come back..." Amor's eyes wide open with tears, searching for for that familiar image, but he was gone. She's frightened, she cried, she shook my cage and she broke free. Diosa fled.

It's a mess out there, Amor fell to the ground. Flowers turned gray, trees shred it's leaves, black and white... storm in the distance as it begins to shower. Her soft wings and her best gown now soaked, her frail foot steps treads towards her love roses, which has down turned dark gray and fragile. She begin to sob her sorry tears; Amor felt weak and abandoned. All the love has been drained out of her; what use is there of a heart that has no love?

Finally, she collapsed in her roses, they no longer give her the strength to go on, they no longer comfort her. Big drops of heart ache begin to leak from her empty eyes, she could no longer hold them in, they had filled her over the top.
The rain got heavier as her body sinks down, drowning in her own hopeless tears. She drew her last breath and fare welled her love rose garden.

I woke up with a shock, gasping for air, I panicked. My pillow soaked with my tears, Claude Debussy still finely playing 'Claire de lune' in the background. I quickly checked Diosa and Amor's cages... they stare back at me with their innocent eyes, safe and sound.

I got dressed, had some breakfast and head out for another lifeless and tiring day.

confused...

would it seem foolish of me if I want to give him another chance?

Why?

what the hell is the matter with this world?

Mon 24th May .10

Tonight we watched a movie called 'Post Grad', and the main character's boyfriend looked a lot like my second boyfriend, Lex; he walks the same, talks the same, even some of the story line are similar.
For some reason these days, things kept reminding me off him, it seems like I've been living off the happy memories of when Lex and I were together. Remembering the time when we first meet, the times when we went out, our first kiss together, the time when he picked me my first rose from the garden... it was so simple, but we were just so happy together.


We meet at a space camp during school. When I first noticed him was when I was walking down to breakfast; he was in his short shorts and trainers, puffing his lungs out from running training. To be honest, I thought he was kinda dorky, so didn't pay much attention to him.
The next contact we had was during a project, our group was in trouble and we needed a pair of scissors, so I ran over to his group (well, more like tootled over :S) and pretty much demanded him to get me one. He was very shy but kind, he listened and got me theirs.

After that, we were eating at the canteen, I was with my friend Allen, and Lex was the only one left eating except for us. I felt sorry for him that he had no friends, so I asked him to come over and sit with us. I don't think he wanted to, but he was too shy to say no, so he listened and came over. I remember asking him his name numerous times, it was embarrassing. I kept thinking that his name was Fred for some odd reason. He must have thought I had a memory like a gold fish or something. :P


I don't remember how we got each others numbers, but I texted him at 'lights out' to see if he wanted to watch some tv with me at the common room. However, by the time he got there, the room was already locked, so we ended up trying to get back in the dorms to find ourselves locked out! Thank God that his room was on ground level and his window was open so we could climb in. I was the first one trying to get through the window, but I had some trouble (fat butt), so he pretty much shoved me in.
After we got in, he wasn't tired and neither was I, so we decided to have a chat and hang out for a while. I remember that it was getting rather stuffy in the room at one point, so he started taking off his jumper. Half way through, with his head stuck in the jumper he asked if it was ok with me. I thought to myself "well this guy couldn't get anymore adorable than this... silly goose" I said it's ok in the end obviously, which girl wouldn't! lol

We were laying on the bed talking for ages about pretty much nothing, then he started to fall asleep, so I thought of a serious question to ask him hoping that it would surprise him and wake him up a little. I asked him "Do you like me?" I was expecting "huh? What? ...ummm no!", but instead I got "yer... a lot." I was so stunned by the response myself that I nearly fell off the bed, I really didn't see that coming. I got rather curious about this boy, so I asked "eeerrr... why do you like me? ... a lot.", "umm.. I don't know... umm... because you are funny, different than any other girls I've ever meet... and also very beautiful." OMG! My face must had went bright red, but thanks God that it was dark so he couldn't see. I didn't know what to say to that, I thought he was going to stop at 'I don't know...', so all I could do was to stare at him with a surprised face.

"ummm... what...?" he asked finally realized that I wasn't talking anymore. I snapped back just in time to give him a smile in response, I was flattered to heaven almost! From that moment on I know I would remember the first time I fell in love, it was like a bee desires for honey... magical.


Simple, sweet, like an easy summer breeze... I need to find that kind of love, 'cause that's what I want.

Sun. 23rd May .10

Distraction, a loved but unwanted text came up. Just so how does it work? It has always been his choice, because I let him. I could only blame myself for how we ended up, I loved you too much, I hate it. I allowed myself to eat too much junk food, and now I'm suffering to find my old self.

Life be harsh on me, but did she really love you more than I did? Are you truly happy with her? Why do you expect me to put up a smile for you every time you mention her name? I can't promise I won't cry, but if it really hurts you, I will try and hide it.

I wish you could understand, but deep down we both know that I'm only what you want, not what you need. I'm sorry that I'm not pure enough for you, I'm sorry that I'm not capable of letting you go, but if you are willing to give me time, I promise I would force myself to walk away from you.

It has always been your choice before, but not anymore...

Sat. 22nd Mat .10

Today I opened my eyes, I saw that life could be so different, could be so exciting. I see that image of love everywhere; I see couples holding hands, love songs played by the river side, romantic cafes, even love stories being played on the television. It is like God is either trying to make fun of what I've lost, or He is trying to show me how to love again. I took notice, but I could only laugh and cry at the same time. I do not know how to respond to Him, I wondered to myself; everybody what's that happiness, but who actually knows what it means? Or even what it is...?


These days I like to pick my nails for some reason, and today I accidentally took too much off my left thumb. Because my nails had always been long and quite strong, so my finger tips has never touched anything before.
It felt strange at first running my tips across the smooth skin of my thumb, it felt like a small child's hands. A gentle tap like a baby dreaming, it is sensitive, almost not real. Exciting, exhilarating but strange and new at the same time.

Skip a heart beat, takes your breath away, almost like electricity... I think this must be what if feels like to fall in love; blissful but a little painful at the same time.

Like sweetener to my heart...

Fri. 21st May .10

Take me back to some of those funny moments in life, I couldn't help it but smile to myself. I love those days where you wake up in the morning, you open your eyes and you know today is going to be a better day.

Like one time, I went to Lex, my ex boyfriend's football match, and because we lived quite far away from each other so none of his friends meet me before. Then there was one of his friends came over sat right next to me and yelled out "So where is Mr Big Sex's shmexy asian girlfriend?" and everybody was eyeballing me at her lol. After that, she was too embarrassed to talk to me, but we became good friends later on. Things like these still makes me laugh thinking about it.
Just silly things like that is what we need to capture in our lives, to make us see all the wonderful occasions this world could bring.


I went to the Jazz and Blues festival this afternoon down at Darling Harbor by myself. While the music was playing, everybody was moving to the rhythm and enjoying themselves. after the music, they had the fireworks on, while energetic music flowed through the speakers out to everyone of us.
As I watched these magical lights flicker in the night sky, I wonder to myself; why do people like fireworks so much? It really is just gun powder setting off in the sky over us... But then I realized it doesn't matter what it is, the point is that it makes people happy, it puts a smile on everybody's face. Why? because we are all willing to open up and see the beauty in something so simple, even if it takes sitting out in the cold rain in the middle of winter. Just like one of the songs they played tonight, the chorus goes like this 'Can you see the beauty, even if it's not pretty.' I thought it was perfect.

Thur. 20th May .10

When the train speeds away towards your new destination, leaving everything behind. Then soft metals clashing together, the galloping sound of the great iron horse.

Why do we want control all the time? How often do we just let God do his work? He must find us very irritating, because we often want to hold on, we often want to be the boss of everything.
I find that the more you want it to go your way, the more it never goes to plan. You can plan however much you want, but life's just like a little child, who likes to throw surprises in all the wrong times, and it probably will do that for the rest of your life. So all you could do is to try and enjoy everyday as it comes... Life's too short to wast a day on unhappiness.


The fine tune plays, the happy melody flows through me, the uneven quavers drums away as the flush of memories stuns my heart. I remember, I soak up the precious moments and remembered who I was. I used to love these joyful records, I loved to dance around and sing these uplifting lyrics... What happened? I used to love who I was, the times I used to smile and make even myself laugh until I could no longer breath. I miss that cheerful child.

Wed. 19th May .10

What am I? What do I want? How did I end up here? Why am I like this? I don't understand...

I'm so lost, I yet to understand my existence on this planet. I want to know why I live everyday, or else what's the point? You struggle so hard, you fight to the death, then what? At the end of the day you just lay your head down and rest. Then when another day comes, you got no choice but to start again.

When your whole life lays empty ahead of you, when you look back at your past, you see nothing but because you wake up the every next morning and your still alive. The crazy thing is that this stupid and boring cycle doesn't end until you could no longer "try" and get through each day anymore, then you die.

People tell me that there is so much wonderful and beautiful things in this world that is worth living for just to see, but when I look out the window, I see only emptiness. Even if I do see the beauty, I can't catch it and plant the divine beauty within me. It's all just like an illusion, I can't touch it... Where's my passion gone? Where's my beauty that I've been searching for?

One of my goal in life is to live a life so full filled, so amazing that when I'm old and could no longer carry myself, I could still live on the pure juiciness of my wonderful memories. But how could I achieve that when I can't even see the simple beauty out side my little window frame?

Sometimes letting go of something that you've been holding on for so long is very hard. You feel like it is a part of you, but yet that part never seemed to fit perfectly. You don't want it slip away, therefore, you hold it even tighter. But the more you tense and try to hold on, the quicker it slips through your fingers, like sand. Before you've realize what your doing, it's already too late and all your left with is te marks on your hand. You could do nothing but to stare at it and feel the pulsing pain.

Why do people feel upset, hurt and pain? Why do we burden ourselves with such unpleasant feelings? In order to be happy, we have to accept, forgive and move on. We often let the past stop us from moving forward.

彭佳慧 一九九幾的他

A series of over due conversation, a strand of his hair.
A silent phone call, a sudden numb at heart.
I used to miss him, could I still do the same?

Reality took away my fairy tale, and brought back another him.
I want to go home, using my broken foot steps...
I'm dying in pain, but who would know?
Hide myself from the world, I'm on my last option.

He is not him, he won't understand my terrified heart.
He is not him, how could I ever fall in love again?
He is not him, I don't think I could ever say the same words again.

The him before, would he still remember me...?
Love isn't that powerful, I'm not going to cry anymore...

Hurt...

How could somebody keep loving another when they betrayed, cheated, bad mouthed, played games and made you feel like crap every time you spoke to him? This love isn't the happiness that you wished for, it's the pain of not being cared, of the love you gave been wasted.

At first I didn't understand; I thought he just made a mistake, he was just confused, my heart kept making excuses for him to fool my brain that he is still mine. What I didn't know was that I was already making my own poison.
He left me for his ex, then came back to me, he left me for his ex again, he came back to me, he wanted to be single, he came back to me, he wanted to be apart, he came back to me... then he left me again.... Why don't people like him understand how much it hurts to love someone like him?

I fell in love with him when the first time our eyes meet, he asked me out to go to the beach with him. We swam in the ocean together, his warmth shield me from the cold. We watch the sun set over the pacific, we danced under the stars, we slept in the car... I dreamed a dream for us to be together.
Next thing you know, he picked me up from the airport, took me to our favorite park next to the Sydney harbor bridge. Then he gave me a big hug and knelt down on one knee, he took out a small box... "(my name), would you be my wife and spend the rest of our lives together?" I nearly melted on the spot, I couldn't even make a sound come out of my mouth! Thinking back to that moment now just hurts too much.

i feel so alone out here all by myself... ever since the whole thing exploded in my face, I just felt so lost. I kept telling myself; just forget about him, you are better than this, be strong, you can do this, don't cry... I'm in soo much pain you have no idea, the pass three months has been like near death. Every time my emotions takes over I am at tugger war with myself.

Ever since Tuesday, I promised myself I will have nothing to do him, I will not shed another tear for him. I deleted all his photos, emails, threw away everything that reminds me of him. But I've just been like a walking corp, I couldn't sleep at night, I could hardly get myself to do anything... during the day, I try and occupy my mind, just drag myself to get through the day. Then at night, when I lay my head down on the bed to try and sleep; the memories, his smell, his touch... everything about him fills my mind over the brim. So all I could do to stop myself from crying is to get up and do pretty much nothing but go on the internet or watch tv... I've lost so much weight, I've become so weak, I hate myself for allowing so much of him in me... I don't understand how I could possibly feel so much for this guy after all his done to me. I am going crazy, I am mentally not right; sometimes I see him walking on the streets, I see his car drive pass, I would hear my phone ring... I would see his emails... god, how long is this non sense going to last? It's been three months, I can't take this any longer... he is pushing me way too far, sooner or later I'm going to fall and I am going to hit the ground. He would stand at the top, watching, laughing... no body would catch me.

Today, I let myself go... I let my tears fall, I let my memories run free, I allowed myself to listen to his songs that he wrote for me, just so that I could hear his voice again. I drowned myself in the poison of broken heart that came within me... I hoped that this would make things easier that I've let it all out, but I'm still here, I'm so ashamed. I don't know what to do anymore, I just want this to end, I don't want to feel the pain, I don't want to cry anymore... I just want to be happy again...

Music = Sex

What has music taste got to do with sex?




Techno: repetitive, digital compressed sounds and with really graphical lyrics.
Sex for Techno: repetitive, not real and really just for the physical pleasure.

Latin American: passionate, complex rhythms and romantic/respectful lyrical wise.
Sex for Latin American: passionate, complex styles (lol) and romantic.

Jazz & Funk: musically challenging, raunchy and romantic/respectful lyrical wise.
Sex for Jazz & Funk: physically challenging (as in goes for a long time lol), raunchy and romantic.

Rap: monotoned, realistic rhyming lyrics and it is only classed as a vocal technique.
Sex for Rap: monotoned, very realistic and only is classed as a technique.

Flowers and the Bees, Shit and the Flies...

Clubs, party, money, alcohol and sex. How did we evolve to become this way?

Back in the days, men wore suits, top hat and brogues, and woman wore long sensible dresses, gloves and handkerchief. Going out for a good time means going to a jazz club, and dance jive or salsa to beautiful, romantic music played by live bands. There, man and woman can have just a slightest sensation by a kiss on the hand. When a man wants to woo a girl, they would walk up to her with confidence, buy her a drink and kindly ask for her hand, she would smile shyly and leave her handkerchief on the table for him. Then it would be his job to chase her down and win her heart.

And now? Dressing up in really short, revealing dresses, wearing board shorts and a t-shirt. Heading out to a night club that plays music with tittles like "River side mother fucker", which most likely is going to be made up with digitally compressed sounds. Men and woman then would dance around like animals on the craze, touching each other in very private parts, who you had never spoken to in your whole life!


What happened to that respect between both sex? When did this society become so physical and selfish?
People became greedy and self centered, with only the want to satisfy their own physical cravings. And what has that achieved over the years? People getting worse and worse at sex because they don't treasure it. Why do you think people call it 'making love'? It creates something special between both genders and brings them closer to each other. We're not made to have a lot of sexual partners, that is why there are sexual transmitted diseases there to stop us.

Making love is like a piece of sticky tape someone told me once; the first thing you touch you stick to it like glue, then when you rip it off you lose some of your stickiness to it. After that you stick yourself to another, it wouldn't be as strong as the first but you still stay, then when you take it off you lose more of yourself to that one. Then eventually you just become a loose piece of plastic that can't stay with anything.
When you give yourself to that person, it means you reveal the most private secrets to them, and when you leave, a part of you stays with that person. (of course all this varies with different people) After repeating this process several times, you begin to find it hard to give your heart to anyone, hard to feel anything special when you make love or even just simply trust yourself with the next partner.

Making love is something really beautiful and special that a man and woman can share; this wonderful desire brings new life into this world, this amazing gift from God that brings men and woman closer and create that bond... this is what you call miracle.

People would debate with me saying sex has nothing to do with love, its just a physical act that a guy and a girl do between themselves, like taking a shower or shaking hands.
Ok, if that is true, why do people feel used after one night stands? Why do people feel down about themselves if that person don't return their calls or text? Because there is something there connecting the two, and it is something so private to every person. Its just like you wouldn't give some random person that you meet on the street your house address.

What I'm trying to say here is people these days should stop trashing themselves like some sort of worthless rubbish, and start understanding yourselves a bit better, treat yourself like you wish others would treat your closest family or friends.